Farewell, Sara and Snow...

I woke to a quiet and gray morning last Friday - the day my horses went away. It was a bittersweet day. Although gray, there was a magical light snow falling to lift me up. I knew the outcome of the horses' placement was the best possible scenario; a dream come true under sad circumstances. My Sara went to her horse sitter and trainer who loves her like I do. She'll have a home for life there. Snow went to an old time friend and confidant who will take care of her like I would. I'll be able to see both horses from time to time.


Everything went as planned. We loaded both horses into my friend's trailer. We knew Sara wouldn't go anywhere without Snow. But, they would be soon parted as planned, with Sara off-loading first at her new home down the road from us, and Snow staying in the trailer to head on down to my friend's place.

Sara loaded and off-loaded like a champ. It was like she knew. Snow had been loaded first at our place as planned and she loaded like the sweetheart that she is. Knowing Snow was on the trailer, Sara obliged and followed suit. Of course it helped that the three of the people who loved her most were present and accounted for.


I couldn't go with them to Sara's new home; I said my goodbyes at our farm. My husband followed the trailer behind my friend and got her off-loaded at her new home. When he came back, he said the event had bothered him more than he anticipated. He took a picture of her in her new home. I know he cried.

I heard from my friend later that day about Snow and all things went well for her too. She's settling in with her new friends. I miss her already.

Sometimes life takes a turn you don't anticipate. After having Sara for 20 years, I never expected to have to give her up. She was part of the family. I have her "baby shoes" somewhere...


Now, we'll be able to spend more time up north without worrying about the horses at home (even though they did have the best of care). "Teddy" (our mini-dox),is our "only child" now with the horses gone and we're "empty-nesters" with our children all grown. Of course I had 500 chickens once, but that's a whole 'nother story...

I'm Older Than My Mother...

...was when she died. Today is my mother's birthday. She's long gone now - she died when she was 54 years old. I'm now 56. I think about that now and then. My mother worked at her death but I understand that now. I haven't said much good about her in my blogs, although there were many good things about her. She was shy and quiet and unassuming. She had the prettiest ice blue eyes I've ever seen and she was a beautiful woman. She had a career in nursing, when she could work.

I now know that my mother must have suffered from clinical depression but was never treated. Things were different back then. She cried a lot, sat in the dark waiting for my father to come home (most nights he didn't until the wee hours of the morning), drank too much beer during the day, and I can't recall her ever coming to my rescue when my father came after me. She was also the brunt of his abusive ways. But, she was my mother. I have good things in me that I'm sure I inherited from her. She gave me life.

I hope she's found peace in heaven and realizes that when I speak of her in negative ways, it is reporting the facts as I remember them, but always remembering that she had a debilitating illness that was never properly treated. I recall these experiences as things that happened to me, as an understanding of who I am and where I came from. And, how far I've come.

She was born on Friday the 13th and always joked that the day was "good luck" in her case. She's with her mother and father now and I believe that's the happiest she could have ever been. She's in the most loving and caring of hands now and it's where she belongs.

The Early Years...Straight "A"s!...

...in penmanship! Seriously though, I did get As in penmanship my entire school career. I was, after all, your typical first-born perfectionist. I still am. It's a sickness.

I soon found out in grade school that my parents really didn't care much about what I did in school. Lacking attention at home, I enjoyed the attention I received from my teachers so I performed well...for a while. I did get all As throughout the primary years but then around 4th grade I started to fall off. Two things happened. First, there was some homework. Forget about it. Second, that was about the time I took over almost complete responsibility at home - cleaning, cooking, laundry, ironing, you name it - thus, forget about the homework getting done! I barely made it out of grade school and on to Junior High School. In my day, Jr. High began with 7th grade. My grandson informs me that nowadays, you would be considered a "tween", or as he prefers, "double digits".

I loved art from the very beginning. Even if it was just writing. I remember getting in trouble (when wasn't I?), at home for deciding to arrange my goldfish on my nightstand in a very creative way. (It wasn't a very good outcome for the fish.) Anything I could "arrange", cut (as in hair), color, paint, etc., was. I actually began my 32 year career with my last employer as a Graphic Designer in their in-house graphics and printing dept. For you older folk, remember the first electronic typesetters where you could only see the code on the screen for your work until you printed it out? We were actually code writers and didn't know it. You had to see beyond the code and imagine what something would look like as "bold" or "centered", etc., even though it didn't appear that way on the screen. All you saw was the preceding code and then the word it applied to. Of course you had to "turn off" the code after the word too. I digress.

Of course I only got to walk across the street to school for kindergarten before my parents decided to move a town away, so the rest of the grades in that school meant a very long walk for very short legs. And, there was that walk home and back for lunch time as well. Those were the good ol' days of frostbite and frozen tears. Most lunch times, my mother was still in bed or had just gotten up. My regular for lunch was chocolate ice cream (which was supposed to be only for my mother, but who would know?), in some milk. I watched Bozo Circus until the Grand Prize Game and then I knew it was time to walk back to school. I met Bozo once. I don't think he liked kids...

Horse, Follow Closely...

"Horse, Follow Closely" - Native American Horsemanship is a book that brings to mind some of the many things that I have had to give up since I lost my job of 32 years. I lost friends that felt like family, I lost some of my identity (as Chairman and CEO), of course I lost my financial security and an orderly succession and retirement plan, and I lost the comforting knowledge that my special needs daughter (who has worked for the same company for the past 16 plus years), was within reach. I have or will adjust my life accordingly in all of these cases and then some.

But, one thing that will happen shortly is that I will be giving up my horses, "Sara" and "Snow". Snow is a beautiful tobiano Paint that is mostly white (thus "Snow"). Sara aka "Grandma's Gift", is a beautiful liver chestnut Thoroughbred mare that I've had since she was 18 months old. She is now 20 years old.

Sara's show name is "Grandma's Gift" because my small inheritance from my beloved Grandmother enabled me to purchase Sara when I did. Otherwise, I would not have been able to pay for her. Another connection to my Grandmother are my memories of listening to many of my Grandmother's stories about her own horse when she was a girl in Belgium.

Sara only had baby caps for teeth when I first met her and I kept all of the ones I could find as they fell out and ended up in her feed dish. I later lost them when my purse was stolen out of my car while at the barn where she was boarded.

I spent the first years with Sara on the trails while her knees finished developing so she could be trained to jump. An earlier trainer had already started her over fences but we didn't get along and I ended up taking Sara to a barn where we could just get to know one another. The trail was a good place to do that. That's where you learn to trust.

I have numerous fond memories (and, some not so fond), of my years together with Sara, with the final years being here with me on my own little hobby farm. After many years of boarding her, it was a real joy to be able to finally bring her home. It was after I brought Sara home that I purchased Snow "for the grandkids". They've become great buddies.

The only real possible joy in this story is that both Sara and Snow (separately), are going to the best possible homes I could ever wish for. It is the perfect scenario.

Snow is young and needs to be bred for her wonderful bloodline. She is a sweetheart and will make a wonderful mother. Her new owner will be a dear friend of mine who will always have a piece of my heart. You see, he has not only been my horses' farrier since Sara was a filly, but he was also the one who made me believe in myself and my horse at a time when I was a novice. We also walked hand in hand through a similar life-altering event for each of us. There's no one else I'd rather see Snow go to but him.

Sara has never been "loved" by another rider but me, until she met Jeni, our horse-sitter/trainer. Jeni is young, fit, spirited, and takes no prisoners while riding a horse in training. But she does it with love. I've never seen anything like it. Jeni has a gift. She loves Sara, and Sara shows a respect for Jeni I haven't seen in any other rider or trainer.

Jeni now owns her own stable and boards and trains horses full time. When I asked Jeni about the prospect of taking Sara and giving her a home for the rest of her natural life, she said she'd be honored. I'll be able to visit Sara there from time to time and I know she'll continue to get the same loving care as she received from Jeni when she came to watch the horses when we were away. There's no one else I'd rather see Sara go to then Jeni.

And so you see, even the worst of situations can and do have good outcomes. I am truly blessed to have resolved this particular issue the way I did.

Soul Mates...

When I was elected Chairman of the Board of my previous company, the other Board members had expressed their concern that the company had seemed to have "lost its soul". I agreed. What followed next was a long, painful, and expensive process that taught me a valuable lesson. You cannot give a company a soul. You cannot give a company a set of core values. They must already exist in your upper management team.


If your desire is to change the culture of a business - even if you are at a lower level of management - first look to your people. Remember "First Who..." from "Good to Great"? This is where you apply it first and foremost. If you don't have people you can trust, or those who already subscribe to a set of core values that matches your own, you are doomed to fail.

Caution: Beware those who would have you believe that they can be trusted or do have the set of core values you need to fulfill your mission. Don't be naive, don't be sold, don't be fooled by those with the savvy and charm necessary to pull it off. Some people will do anything to get what or where they want.

Test your team regularly. Allow them room to do what they do best. Then ask them to report their actions and decisions (especially if they can effect company policy), along with their reasoning behind them. Have open discussions about your own thoughts and decisions along with your reasoning so everyone knows exactly where you are coming from and going to. Get them to open up. Open discussions should include all of your team members. Don't allow some people to simply report their activities and reasons without participating in the open discussions. It can be very revealing if you pay attention. My own trust in certain members of my team blinded me to something I should have caught. As a result, I was betrayed and lost my job of 32 years.

Sights and Sounds...

Thanksgiving was a great time to reflect and recover (my horrific dental visit and a ruptured disc). Our five children had other plans this year so we took advantage of it and went north. We had a simple but wonderful dinner - just the three of us. That would be me and my hubby with dog "Teddy" in tow. (Although tempted to set a plate and put the dog in a chair, we refrained and allowed him to receive tidbits throughout dinner from our hands.) Teddy is obviously spoiled, but as empty nesters, he has become our "child". He's a mini-dox.

I took my first walk in the woods and across the foot bridge to the island, since my back went out some months ago. I paid the price but it was worth it. The otter wasn't around but we saw numerous deer tracks and trails to cross our stream to the other side. A motion detection field camera should reveal if any of the deer have come out of hiding yet from gun deer season. We saw plenty of buck rubs though - pretty fresh so I expect to see something on the camera when we bring it in.

I woke one morning to the sound of hundreds of Sandhill Cranes circling overhead and landing in the farmer's field across the way. What a sight and sound. The regular birds were back to the feeding station for a fuel up before the tiny dry snowflakes started to silently trickle down. Frost was clearly present in the mornings. I worked on my Christmas presents while my husband walked the woods and cut some firewood. We had a roaring fire in the fireplace one cold day and it made things very cozy. I've always been enchanted by looking into the face of a fire and this was no different.

I had my husband shoot a picture of a shelf fungi on one of the trees in the woods for my blog. There are far better ones out there, discovered by our daughters, one of which is a professional photographer. She has the best multi-layered pics.  Two of our daughters explored the woods with their father one day while I watched the grandkids and they came back giddy as children with their photographs and little treasures dug from the woods to use in terrariums. There are so many wonderful treasures just laying about that I failed to notice while working as a CEO that I now regret. Don't make the same mistake. Regardless of your career path or occupation or station, don't miss this stuff. It's everything.