Friend or Foe?

Thirty-two years at one company, most of my social activities tied to work, a lot of travel for work along with work associates, starting at the bottom and working my way up to Chairman and CEO - these are all contributors to asking yourself what the difference is between a "friend" and an "acquaintance" if you find yourself getting blind-sided by the people you trust.

When you work for a company as long as I have, and you find yourself in a position of caretaker for the people, it is quite difficult to separate work from family. I made a solemn promise when I became COB to protect the shareholder. In this case, the shareholders were also the employees. You can't make a promise like that without caring about what happens with each and every employee and their families. Instead of having one family (your own), you end up feeling like you are responsible for say, 300 families. (That is, unless you're a completely heartless and selfish bastard.)

If you're human, you care. I cared. But when I was betrayed by people I trusted, I found out that there's a big difference between a friend and an acquaintance...

An "acquaintance" is someone you've met, see from time to time (even daily), a business associate in or out of your company, or know through someone else - perhaps even a vendor or a customer. You may even get together from time to time, or attend their family functions, but that does not make you friends.

A friend is unmistakable. He's the person that comes through for you when things go bad. Period.

Anyone can be your "friend" when you're on top. Anyone can be your friend when they want something from you. Anyone can be your friend when they benefit somehow by their association with you. Anyone can be your friend when it's politically correct. Anyone can be your friend when they want to hide something from you (diversion). Anyone can be your friend when they're hurting. Anyone can be your friend when you want something from them that they do not want to give (illusion). Anyone can be your friend when they want something you have (betrayal). Anyone can be your friend when they want something for themselves without necessarily hurting you (suck up).

When you lose your job of 32 years, you find out who your true friends really are. Don't kid yourself if you're in a position of authority in your job. Take an inventory of who you think your true friends really are before it is too late. You can't be good friends with everyone. Narrow your circle of people you can really count on in your mind. And, for goodness sake, make a really good friend or two outside of work. This will save you the pain of losing almost every good friend you ever thought you had in one fell swoop.

On a good note, I was pleasantly surprised to find a few true friends from places I never expected. To them, I say thank you and I love you. They know I would do anything for them. As any true friend would.

Whatever Happened to Grandma's House?

I knew that I would be filling future blogs with stories and tidbits about the profound contribution my Grandmother made to my becoming the person that I am today, so I thought I would give you a glimpse into who she was by posting a reprint of an article that appeared in the local newspaper. It was written by me.

"My daughter told me the other day that she went past Great-Grandma's house and it was ready for demolition. I started to cry.


"My grandmother was the best person I have ever known. I grew up in that house on Lorraine Road in Glen Ellyn. No - I didn't live there, but Grandma Van took my cousins, my siblings and me for the weekend every weekend as far as I can remember. She worked full-time at the Wheaton Court House, worked part-time as the Glen Ellyn Rotary Club bookkeeper, kept active in her church (St. Mark's Episcopal), took care of all of her own needs, took care of her home (including mowing the lawn when women didn't do that), gardened, played the piano, played cards with her girlfriends, and took art classes. And, she took care of her five grandchildren most weekends. What a woman!


"My grandmother was widowed before I was born, so she spent most of her life alone than with a mate or companion. We were her companions - us five kids. Of course I was the oldest so I got the best of Grandma. Everything I have come to value, I've learned from her. Things like values, faith, honesty, integrity, wisdom, compassion, etiquette, and the passion for music and gardening. I'm a grandmother myself now, and if I can pass on only a fraction of what she gave to me, I'd feel as though my grandmother lives on.


"Paulina Van Steenkist passed away in 1990 at the age of 92 in a nursing home in St. Louis. But she lived at 216 Lorraine for her entire adult life. She came to this country from Belgium with my great-grandfather, Polydore Janssens (Paul), when she was just a girl. The house was built in 1915 and they were the first owners. My family has pictures of that home when it was the only home around on a dirt road. Grandma told me stories of how the horses would drink from the water fountain downtown Glen Ellyn when they would go to town. I bet you didn't know that the fountain in the center of town used to water the horses. Paulina married late and lived her entire married life there. Her and my grandfather raised my mother and my aunt in that house. And then she raised me. She lived there until she was about 90 years old.


"About five years ago, I brought someone down Lorraine Road to show him where my parents lived when I was born. It was a tiny home just two houses down from Grandma. The house was gone. I didn't know. In its place was a 'trophy home' that barely fit on the lot. But Grandma's house still stood - modest but proud. Now that could be gone too. I haven't had the strength to drive by to see if they've knocked it down yet. I wonder if they'll keep the beautiful Magnolia tree in the front yard. Probably not.


"Glen Ellyn is a beautiful town and I still love it. But the destruction of the historical homes that were the very fabric of her beginnings is terrible. And I'm sure I'm not the only one saying 'Gee - whatever happened to grandma's house'."

Today, the house is gone and many other things have changed. But I choose to remember it the way it was - a little heaven on earth for a little girl.

The Early Years...Man's Best Friend

...or should I say "a child's" best friend? When in doubt, give the child a dog.

I can't tell you how many times I found solace in the arms of a dog (or my arms wrapped around one), during times of mental pain as a child. I could fill an entire blog on just childhood memories of me and one of my many dogs. But a couple of them rise to the top to make my point.

I can't remember any time during my childhood or my life when I did not have a dog, other than brief times between the loss of one and getting a replacement. My first dog recollection was of a tiny Dachshund named "Leisha". She was a red smooth coat and was left free roaming her whole life (things were different when I was a child). She followed me everywhere when I was home and slept in bed with me and my sister at night. To this day, I do not know how a dog can sleep under the covers at the end of a bed and breathe! But she did. And now, my current dog "Teddy" (full circle back to a "mini-dox"), does the same thing - sleeps at the foot of the bed under the covers with me and my husband. I still ponder how he breathes! 

Another story that comes to mind is a German Shepherd mix we had when I was young named "Misty". Misty was an outside dog (my father never allowed another dog to live inside of our home after Leisha), and she lived on our patio in a dog house on a chain her whole life. When I had my most painful moments, I could find comfort with Misty. I remember when she had puppies once (my father did not believe in spending money on a dog so spaying was not an option). Male dogs that wandered the neighborhood would find Misty's scent when in season, and of course she was on a chain...

This one puppy incident was memorable because she had a record 13 puppies. In fact, I believe it was so noteworthy that it made the local newspapers at the time. It was memorable for me because no one seemed to care when Misty would deliver ("she's a dog - she knows what to do..."). I cared. I spent one night, sleepy and cold, outside with Misty through her entire delivery. I helped her break the sacs open and get the puppies stimulated - she had her paws full. One such sac was quite large and it freaked me out a little as a child. I closed my eyes, held my breath, and hand opened the sac, not knowing what would come out of that sac. Well, to my glee, it was a pair of puppies! I always joked they were "twins" because they came out of the same sac and looked identical in every way. Not being a Vet, I never really knew if that was possible or not. But its not important - to me it happened. I even made sure that one person took both puppies together as to not break up the "pair". I had no idea what I was doing during that birth, but it didn't matter.

It's difficult to measure a child's love for their pet. In my case, my pets did far more for me than I ever did for them. They gave me unconditional love. There are few things more precious than that.

The "80/20" Rule...

You've probably heard of the "80/20" rule. If not, it simply means that if you apply the 80/20 rule to something, you'll probably get it right. Example: 80% of your business probably comes from 20% of your product line. Other examples would be 80% of your sales from 20% of your sales force, etc.

What most people don't realize, is that you can probably apply this to almost anything if you really think it through. For example, if you could do 20 things 80,000 times, you'd probably be better off than if you did 20,000 different things 80 times. You get my drift...

An interesting twist to this is that in theory, incoming CEOs usually replace 80% of the team with their own people, keeping 20% of the current team that worked under the old administration. (No different than in politics; only in that case, it's usually a "clean sweep" approach.)

I made the fatal mistake of keeping 80% of the old team and dismissing 20. Since my record was stellar at management development, I had the silly notion that I could take people who were loyal to the old administration or under-qualified, and either bring them around or groom them to their potential. This was naive, and a monumental waste of time and resource.

I have two pieces of advice for you if you are in management and newly appointed. The first is to make sure that your new team is on board with your vision for the company/task/project/department - whatever. (The obvious is to make sure that everyone on the team is fully qualified to do their job. You'll have time for "grooming" later.)

The second is to evaluate the entire organization based on the 80/20 rule. This will give you a starting point toward success. Identify where you are doing things right, and where the 80/20 rule has proven itself to be true. Then take a look at what is failing and see if applying the 80/20 rule could improve the outcome. (This evaluation could be flawed if you haven't applied my first recommendation.)

Best wishes for a beautiful and prosperous New Year.