Farewell, Sara and Snow...

I woke to a quiet and gray morning last Friday - the day my horses went away. It was a bittersweet day. Although gray, there was a magical light snow falling to lift me up. I knew the outcome of the horses' placement was the best possible scenario; a dream come true under sad circumstances. My Sara went to her horse sitter and trainer who loves her like I do. She'll have a home for life there. Snow went to an old time friend and confidant who will take care of her like I would. I'll be able to see both horses from time to time.


Everything went as planned. We loaded both horses into my friend's trailer. We knew Sara wouldn't go anywhere without Snow. But, they would be soon parted as planned, with Sara off-loading first at her new home down the road from us, and Snow staying in the trailer to head on down to my friend's place.

Sara loaded and off-loaded like a champ. It was like she knew. Snow had been loaded first at our place as planned and she loaded like the sweetheart that she is. Knowing Snow was on the trailer, Sara obliged and followed suit. Of course it helped that the three of the people who loved her most were present and accounted for.


I couldn't go with them to Sara's new home; I said my goodbyes at our farm. My husband followed the trailer behind my friend and got her off-loaded at her new home. When he came back, he said the event had bothered him more than he anticipated. He took a picture of her in her new home. I know he cried.

I heard from my friend later that day about Snow and all things went well for her too. She's settling in with her new friends. I miss her already.

Sometimes life takes a turn you don't anticipate. After having Sara for 20 years, I never expected to have to give her up. She was part of the family. I have her "baby shoes" somewhere...


Now, we'll be able to spend more time up north without worrying about the horses at home (even though they did have the best of care). "Teddy" (our mini-dox),is our "only child" now with the horses gone and we're "empty-nesters" with our children all grown. Of course I had 500 chickens once, but that's a whole 'nother story...

I'm Older Than My Mother...

...was when she died. Today is my mother's birthday. She's long gone now - she died when she was 54 years old. I'm now 56. I think about that now and then. My mother worked at her death but I understand that now. I haven't said much good about her in my blogs, although there were many good things about her. She was shy and quiet and unassuming. She had the prettiest ice blue eyes I've ever seen and she was a beautiful woman. She had a career in nursing, when she could work.

I now know that my mother must have suffered from clinical depression but was never treated. Things were different back then. She cried a lot, sat in the dark waiting for my father to come home (most nights he didn't until the wee hours of the morning), drank too much beer during the day, and I can't recall her ever coming to my rescue when my father came after me. She was also the brunt of his abusive ways. But, she was my mother. I have good things in me that I'm sure I inherited from her. She gave me life.

I hope she's found peace in heaven and realizes that when I speak of her in negative ways, it is reporting the facts as I remember them, but always remembering that she had a debilitating illness that was never properly treated. I recall these experiences as things that happened to me, as an understanding of who I am and where I came from. And, how far I've come.

She was born on Friday the 13th and always joked that the day was "good luck" in her case. She's with her mother and father now and I believe that's the happiest she could have ever been. She's in the most loving and caring of hands now and it's where she belongs.

The Early Years...Straight "A"s!...

...in penmanship! Seriously though, I did get As in penmanship my entire school career. I was, after all, your typical first-born perfectionist. I still am. It's a sickness.

I soon found out in grade school that my parents really didn't care much about what I did in school. Lacking attention at home, I enjoyed the attention I received from my teachers so I performed well...for a while. I did get all As throughout the primary years but then around 4th grade I started to fall off. Two things happened. First, there was some homework. Forget about it. Second, that was about the time I took over almost complete responsibility at home - cleaning, cooking, laundry, ironing, you name it - thus, forget about the homework getting done! I barely made it out of grade school and on to Junior High School. In my day, Jr. High began with 7th grade. My grandson informs me that nowadays, you would be considered a "tween", or as he prefers, "double digits".

I loved art from the very beginning. Even if it was just writing. I remember getting in trouble (when wasn't I?), at home for deciding to arrange my goldfish on my nightstand in a very creative way. (It wasn't a very good outcome for the fish.) Anything I could "arrange", cut (as in hair), color, paint, etc., was. I actually began my 32 year career with my last employer as a Graphic Designer in their in-house graphics and printing dept. For you older folk, remember the first electronic typesetters where you could only see the code on the screen for your work until you printed it out? We were actually code writers and didn't know it. You had to see beyond the code and imagine what something would look like as "bold" or "centered", etc., even though it didn't appear that way on the screen. All you saw was the preceding code and then the word it applied to. Of course you had to "turn off" the code after the word too. I digress.

Of course I only got to walk across the street to school for kindergarten before my parents decided to move a town away, so the rest of the grades in that school meant a very long walk for very short legs. And, there was that walk home and back for lunch time as well. Those were the good ol' days of frostbite and frozen tears. Most lunch times, my mother was still in bed or had just gotten up. My regular for lunch was chocolate ice cream (which was supposed to be only for my mother, but who would know?), in some milk. I watched Bozo Circus until the Grand Prize Game and then I knew it was time to walk back to school. I met Bozo once. I don't think he liked kids...

Horse, Follow Closely...

"Horse, Follow Closely" - Native American Horsemanship is a book that brings to mind some of the many things that I have had to give up since I lost my job of 32 years. I lost friends that felt like family, I lost some of my identity (as Chairman and CEO), of course I lost my financial security and an orderly succession and retirement plan, and I lost the comforting knowledge that my special needs daughter (who has worked for the same company for the past 16 plus years), was within reach. I have or will adjust my life accordingly in all of these cases and then some.

But, one thing that will happen shortly is that I will be giving up my horses, "Sara" and "Snow". Snow is a beautiful tobiano Paint that is mostly white (thus "Snow"). Sara aka "Grandma's Gift", is a beautiful liver chestnut Thoroughbred mare that I've had since she was 18 months old. She is now 20 years old.

Sara's show name is "Grandma's Gift" because my small inheritance from my beloved Grandmother enabled me to purchase Sara when I did. Otherwise, I would not have been able to pay for her. Another connection to my Grandmother are my memories of listening to many of my Grandmother's stories about her own horse when she was a girl in Belgium.

Sara only had baby caps for teeth when I first met her and I kept all of the ones I could find as they fell out and ended up in her feed dish. I later lost them when my purse was stolen out of my car while at the barn where she was boarded.

I spent the first years with Sara on the trails while her knees finished developing so she could be trained to jump. An earlier trainer had already started her over fences but we didn't get along and I ended up taking Sara to a barn where we could just get to know one another. The trail was a good place to do that. That's where you learn to trust.

I have numerous fond memories (and, some not so fond), of my years together with Sara, with the final years being here with me on my own little hobby farm. After many years of boarding her, it was a real joy to be able to finally bring her home. It was after I brought Sara home that I purchased Snow "for the grandkids". They've become great buddies.

The only real possible joy in this story is that both Sara and Snow (separately), are going to the best possible homes I could ever wish for. It is the perfect scenario.

Snow is young and needs to be bred for her wonderful bloodline. She is a sweetheart and will make a wonderful mother. Her new owner will be a dear friend of mine who will always have a piece of my heart. You see, he has not only been my horses' farrier since Sara was a filly, but he was also the one who made me believe in myself and my horse at a time when I was a novice. We also walked hand in hand through a similar life-altering event for each of us. There's no one else I'd rather see Snow go to but him.

Sara has never been "loved" by another rider but me, until she met Jeni, our horse-sitter/trainer. Jeni is young, fit, spirited, and takes no prisoners while riding a horse in training. But she does it with love. I've never seen anything like it. Jeni has a gift. She loves Sara, and Sara shows a respect for Jeni I haven't seen in any other rider or trainer.

Jeni now owns her own stable and boards and trains horses full time. When I asked Jeni about the prospect of taking Sara and giving her a home for the rest of her natural life, she said she'd be honored. I'll be able to visit Sara there from time to time and I know she'll continue to get the same loving care as she received from Jeni when she came to watch the horses when we were away. There's no one else I'd rather see Sara go to then Jeni.

And so you see, even the worst of situations can and do have good outcomes. I am truly blessed to have resolved this particular issue the way I did.

Soul Mates...

When I was elected Chairman of the Board of my previous company, the other Board members had expressed their concern that the company had seemed to have "lost its soul". I agreed. What followed next was a long, painful, and expensive process that taught me a valuable lesson. You cannot give a company a soul. You cannot give a company a set of core values. They must already exist in your upper management team.


If your desire is to change the culture of a business - even if you are at a lower level of management - first look to your people. Remember "First Who..." from "Good to Great"? This is where you apply it first and foremost. If you don't have people you can trust, or those who already subscribe to a set of core values that matches your own, you are doomed to fail.

Caution: Beware those who would have you believe that they can be trusted or do have the set of core values you need to fulfill your mission. Don't be naive, don't be sold, don't be fooled by those with the savvy and charm necessary to pull it off. Some people will do anything to get what or where they want.

Test your team regularly. Allow them room to do what they do best. Then ask them to report their actions and decisions (especially if they can effect company policy), along with their reasoning behind them. Have open discussions about your own thoughts and decisions along with your reasoning so everyone knows exactly where you are coming from and going to. Get them to open up. Open discussions should include all of your team members. Don't allow some people to simply report their activities and reasons without participating in the open discussions. It can be very revealing if you pay attention. My own trust in certain members of my team blinded me to something I should have caught. As a result, I was betrayed and lost my job of 32 years.

Sights and Sounds...

Thanksgiving was a great time to reflect and recover (my horrific dental visit and a ruptured disc). Our five children had other plans this year so we took advantage of it and went north. We had a simple but wonderful dinner - just the three of us. That would be me and my hubby with dog "Teddy" in tow. (Although tempted to set a plate and put the dog in a chair, we refrained and allowed him to receive tidbits throughout dinner from our hands.) Teddy is obviously spoiled, but as empty nesters, he has become our "child". He's a mini-dox.

I took my first walk in the woods and across the foot bridge to the island, since my back went out some months ago. I paid the price but it was worth it. The otter wasn't around but we saw numerous deer tracks and trails to cross our stream to the other side. A motion detection field camera should reveal if any of the deer have come out of hiding yet from gun deer season. We saw plenty of buck rubs though - pretty fresh so I expect to see something on the camera when we bring it in.

I woke one morning to the sound of hundreds of Sandhill Cranes circling overhead and landing in the farmer's field across the way. What a sight and sound. The regular birds were back to the feeding station for a fuel up before the tiny dry snowflakes started to silently trickle down. Frost was clearly present in the mornings. I worked on my Christmas presents while my husband walked the woods and cut some firewood. We had a roaring fire in the fireplace one cold day and it made things very cozy. I've always been enchanted by looking into the face of a fire and this was no different.

I had my husband shoot a picture of a shelf fungi on one of the trees in the woods for my blog. There are far better ones out there, discovered by our daughters, one of which is a professional photographer. She has the best multi-layered pics.  Two of our daughters explored the woods with their father one day while I watched the grandkids and they came back giddy as children with their photographs and little treasures dug from the woods to use in terrariums. There are so many wonderful treasures just laying about that I failed to notice while working as a CEO that I now regret. Don't make the same mistake. Regardless of your career path or occupation or station, don't miss this stuff. It's everything.

Time to Give Thanks

Have a blessed Thanksgiving and I will be back blogging after the holiday (and some recovery). With so much bad news these days, let's think of all of the many blessings that we do have. When times are tough, we forget. Let's make this a time to remember...

Excuses, Excuses...

I have a great excuse for not posting for a few days...honest!

I have a bridge in my mouth that is three teeth - three crowns over two live teeth with the center tooth having a root canal. Should be no pain in the root canal tooth - right? Wrong. It has hurt since the day it was supposedly complete. Well, I broke off a piece of the crown over the root canal tooth so I went to the dentist. I figure the Dentist will pop off the three connected crowns (or bridge), take a new impression, send away for a new crown, and put something temporary in its place. Wrong. He took off the crown (after numerous hits to the head with what I call his "dent puller"). He tells me the root canal tooth is the problem because it has broken underneath the crown and now after the entire root canal process, he now has to "pull" the tooth. How bad can that be? After all, it's a dead tooth! Well, after more shots to the mouth (my worst phobia), he tries to pull the tooth. It breaks. He tries again. It breaks again. After numerous dig out attempts, the tooth is finally out. During the ordeal, he slipped while pulling and gouged the inside of my mouth at the gum line. So now I have a torn up inside of my mouth, a swollen face, extreme pain in my bones around my jaws, head pain like a shaken baby... Not to mention that I'm currently immuno-suppressed so I'm on antibiotics for infection. We'll just add this to my ruptured disc and hope I now have your sympathy. Give me a few days to recover and I'll try to post intermittently in between. Thanks for listening!

"Good to Great" - First Who...

I hope you've had an opportunity to pick up a copy of "Good to Great" and have started reading it. If not, there's still time before I begin to really delve into it. However, I thought I'd share with you what I think is the most important chapter of all (in the spirit of "take the best and leave the rest", this chapter is not one of those that you can ever leave), is "First Who, Then What".

You can train anyone to do almost anything. Good people to surround yourself with are those who want to jump onto your 'bus" (your company), because they believe in your mission or something else that excites them about being part of your team, as opposed to simply working for you because they happen to have a skill set that you need. The former will follow you anywhere. You will never hear them say "that's not my job". The latter will fall apart if you make a course correction and ask them to do something different. They will say "that's not my job".

Your people are not your most important asset; the right people are.

In the Beginning... There Ought to be a Law

I've often thought there should be a license to have children. Anyone can have or help create a child - but do they qualify to be parents? Back when I was born, I think it was automatic that you get married and then raise a family. Back then, people who had no children were thought of as unfortunate (there must be something wrong and how sad...). My parents didn't have me (their first), until they were married five years. That was long for then. The next in line was my brother and he was born four years after me - long too. I think my sister and youngest brother were unplanned. I know my youngest brother was because my father used to refer to my little sister as the "caboose" (she had red hair). When my youngest brother was born, my father handed him to me at the door when they came home from the hospital and proclaimed him to be mine. I was thirteen then. It wasn't something new though. I had already taken care of my siblings from the time I can remember. I was six when my sister was born. I recall standing over her bassinet at the foot of my parents bed in the middle of the night trying to quiet her cry. I knew where the bottles were kept and remember trying to get one in her mouth so she would stop crying. I'd hold it for her until she fell back to sleep, nearly falling asleep myself. I don't ever recall one of my parents even waking up through any of that. By the time I had my own family, I felt as though I had already raised one.

I know that things are different today and people do decide not to have children or to have them later, etc., and I think that is a good thing. However, there are still too many people out there having children who should not. And sometimes, the greatest little blessings of all come to those who don't plan on it.

Sights and Sounds...

The birds were back and desperately trying to dig out the remaining seeds that were lodged way up into the feeder; someone needed to shake those seeds down! The otter was back and playing while headed upstream before making his turn and heading back down. The geese were loudly honking at each other in support of flight as they flew overhead in their formation. Off in the distance, you could hear the gun fire of hunters sighting in their rifles for opening season on deer next weekend...

The trucks from the pulp mills and the grain trucks from the local farmers were headed up and down our road. There's a nice buffer of land between us and the road so you know their presence without them being a nuisance. The corn is coming in late this year and the farmers are busy. I find peace in the knowledge that there's a farm right near our property. I love to see the combines move diligently throughout the day and into night during the harvest. It grounds me to the earth.

The days were beautiful fall days in the northern midwest and even though things have turned from glorious color to a fall-like brown, the scenery was breathtaking. With the sky blue with some white clouds and the creek running along, even the brown grasses surrounding the stream were just another beautiful phase of the color changes that occur throughout the year.

The air was crisp and the nights into the high 20's. The daytime air was clean and clear and refreshing when it hit your face. I suspect that we will soon see snow...

Smell the Roses...

The weekend is for rest and renewal - DO IT!

I'm working on a new idea for a line of products that I can sell in the future. As I move through the investment and patent/trademark process, I'll share some glimpses. This will not happen overnight but I thought you'd enjoy the process. This is all about releasing my creative impulses - something I missed terribly while I was involved in administration. I have friends in the "arts" and they've been very supportive - a great friend from my old company, my daughters and son, and my sister-in-law. They all have experience in running successful businesses in unique ways and are known for their talent. This is great "networking" indeed.

Working the torch, working on the above project, and making some handmade Christmas gifts for my family is how I will be spending my weekend - how about you? Enjoy!

The "Good Old Boys Club" is Alive and Well...

Don't kid yourself, it is very much a major obstruction to women trying to break the glass ceiling. If you're a man, please take note - do your part and help create an environment where you can fully support your female superiors if you respect and admire their work. If they're good to you and you like working for them, protect yourself and your own position/career by creating ways to work around the "Club".

Trust me, men can always find something in common with a woman. In today's world, many people (men and women alike), are interested in many of the same things - such as family, politics, fishing, camping, boating, snowmobiling, antiques, cross country or regular skiing...and the list goes on. Even if you and/or your woman executive is not into physical activity, there is always something of interest you can talk about with each other. The same old drinking, football, baseball, working out, racquet ball, tennis, golf, and the typical "water cooler" talk doesn't really cut it anymore, unless the woman executive happens to be interested in one of those things too. (This is more likely to happen with women under 50.)

If your desire is to rid yourself and your company of an upwardly mobile woman, then the Good Old Boys Club can be a cruel way to keep her isolated and out of the loop. However, if she happens to be the right person for the job and your future (as a man), wouldn't it be in your best interest to do your part to be a modern executive and rid yourself of the burdens and stigmas of the past? Not to mention the risks involved of potential claims of gender bias, etc. Real men are not threatened by smart women - they enjoy their company and intellectual challenge.

In the Beginning... I knew the score at 4.

By the time I started kindergarten at the grade school across the street from my house, I already started showing signs of being independent. By the time I was 4, I already had lived enough life to know that I was pretty much on my own to fend for myself. When I started school that day, my mother made the effort to walk me across the street and stand in line with me and the other children, along with their mothers as well. As my mother tells the story, I turned around and looked at her and told her she could go home now. I was in line and perfectly fine, and she could just go home now. Even though all of the other kids' parents were sticking around for the doors to open, I felt like I knew what I was doing and was no longer a child. I'm sure I hurt my mother's feelings that day, but more importantly, it was a symptom of a little girl who had taken on so much responsibility already in her young life that standing in line alone for the start of school just didn't seem like that big of a deal. This is just the beginning of a long line of parental responsibility falling unto the oldest child - me.

"Good to Great"

When I became a member of my company's Board of Directors, I (and the other new members), received a gift from one of the other members. It was the book "Good to Great", by the same author as "Built to Last". Since I had great admiration for the person who gave it to me, I read it from cover to cover - several times. As with any good business model book, you take the best and leave the rest. In my case, I felt there was a lot of things that could be applied to my own company. I studied it, I followed it, and I got most of my team to believe in its wisdom. I'll be talking a lot about elements of "Good to Great" as we journey together. I thought you'd like to know in advance so that you can read it for yourself. I promise that you'll get at least one good thing from it.

In the Beginning... Touched by an Angel (or 2)

In my first post, I revealed that my mother suffered from debilitating post-partum depression. As a result, she would not care for me. She allowed me to lay in my cradle untouched and uncared for. My aunt Yvonne shared this with me after my mother's death (my mother died at the age of 54 - my Aunt told me this a few years ago). She told me the story of how my beloved Grandmother would come over to my house when I was born on her lunch hours from work to care for me. She'd change me, feed me, and rock me. When my Grandmother was not available, my Aunt would pitch in. My Grandmother ended up to be my lifetime savior in many ways which you may hear about throughout my blog. But I think it all started the day I was born and it continues today as I believe she is with me in spirit always. My Aunt is still alive and I love her dearly, but I don't see her very often since she lives so far away. I still talk to her on the phone on the days that she remembers me. I did get a chance to see her recently though and I am very grateful. You see, my aunt now suffers from Alzheimer's, something my Grandmother suffered through at the end of her life too. I am sad that I have to witness both of my saviors going through this horrible affliction. I am sad too for my Uncle. Luckily, he is a wonderful person and takes exceptional care of my Aunt. Even now, they remain a very loving couple. And for that, I am also grateful.

What IS "24/7" anyway?

It's obvious that no person actually works 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. So what does it really mean? From my experience, working 24/7 means that there is not a waking moment in which you don't have your job on your mind - either in the foreground or background. In may case, as a CEO/COB, it meant that the welfare of the company (and most importantly the people), was always on my mind. I thought of myself as a COB/CEO first and all other duties came second. This is because as COB, my first responsibility was to the shareholders - period. My first responsibility as CEO was to the company. You can see how these two issues must live side by side as one supports the other and visa versa. However, as both, my first duty was to the shareholders, as it was for every other person who served on my Board.

What 24/7 did not mean to me was that I was forever and always present so that every employee (in my case, the employees were the shareholders), could see me on a constant and continuing basis. However, it did mean that I needed to have a sufficient presence and to be available to every executive officer and more importantly, to my Board, at any time on any day. And, I was.

Caution: Perception is reality, as they say, and to insure that everyone feels like you're working 24/7 in    an executive role, trust me, they need to see you. Unfortunately, this is not always best for the business. After all, there are trips to make, outside people to see, events to attend, and outside projects that will need your attendance. Sound like an impossible situation? It is.

Insure that your Board knows your schedule and fully understands your 24/7 commitment, and agrees that your schedule, whether in or out of the office, is in the best interest of the shareholders. Then, you must get your executive team to agree with the same as it serves the best interest of the business. Two distinctly different challenges.

Beware: You have no security of position unless your Trustee and the bank fully support you. (There are countless possible scenarios where this would not matter. One such situation that comes to mind is when the shareholders have the majority vote and are afforded the right to vote on your election as a Board member. Typically, but not always, the Board elects the Chair - but not always.) Everything here also hinges on what type of relationship you have with the bank, what type of contracts/agreements are in play (if it's not in writing, it doesn't exist), and what type of debt load you have. (Being well-collateralized does not necessarily change this.) And, you need to fully understand the type of power that the Trustee holds.

Confused yet? It's simple: Trust no one. If you are "king of the hill", there will always be someone who would like to knock you off the hill. It's life - it's reality - it's business - and, it's ugly.

In the Beginning...

I was born full-term to a mother who smoked, drank, and suffered from clinical depression, not to mention debilitating post-partum depression. I weighed in at 5 lbs 11 oz and was the first born of 4 children. I'm still "petite", but I'm stronger than I look. Just ask all of the attorneys who have gone against me!